Protecting Your Kids During Divorce: It’s All About Minimizing Conflict

by | Sep 12, 2023 | Co-Parenting Tips, Divorce Tips

Hey there, fellow parents! Let’s talk about something that’s on the minds of many moms and dads contemplating or going through a divorce – how will it affect our kids? It’s a legitimate concern and one I spent years contemplating, but here’s the scoop: it’s not the divorce itself that’ll mess up our kiddos; it’s the level of conflict between us parents during and after the divorce that we need to watch out for. So, grab a cup of tea or coffee, and let’s dive into why keeping the peace is crucial and how it can make your children’s journey through divorce a bit smoother.

Conflict: The Real Trouble-Maker

When we’re in the thick of things, it’s easy to think that divorcing a high-conflict, narcissistic, or just plain difficult partner will only add more chaos to our lives. But here’s the twist – if your marriage was already a battleground, the divorce might be the breath of fresh air your kids need.

Kids are like little detectives; they can sense when something’s not right at home. Living in a constant state of tension isn’t good for their mental and emotional well-being. It can make them feel insecure, force them to walk on eggshells to avoid setting anyone off, and even trick them into thinking they’re responsible for the mess. All of this can lead to mental health issues, behavior problems, and struggles in school.

The Silver Lining in High-Conflict Homes

Believe it or not, in some cases, divorce can be a blessing for kids growing up in homes filled with strife. When parents decide to part ways, it can actually give the kids a break from the never-ending drama. It creates an opportunity for at least one parent to step up and provide a safe, loving, and nurturing environment. This kind of setting is like gold for kids – it helps them grow emotionally and become well-rounded individuals.

One Healthy Parent Can Make a World of Difference

Here’s a nugget of wisdom to hold onto: kids don’t need two superheroes for parents; they just need one healthy and caring one to thrive. If leaving a marriage that’s brimming with anger and negativity allows one parent to be that rock of stability and love, it’s a massive win for the child. Remember the old adage that you have to put your oxygen mask on first before you can help your children. So, if leaving a bad marriage allows you to be the person you were meant to be, do it for yourself and your kids.

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Focus on What You Can Control

In the midst of a divorce, it’s easy to get caught up in trying to control what your ex does or says. But you know what? That’s like trying to lasso a tornado – exhausting and not very effective. Instead, shift your focus to what you can control – your own actions and the kind of environment you create for your children. Don’t waste one precious second on things that are out of your control, instead turn that energy toward creating the life you want to provide for your kids.

Empowering Your Kids

Divorce is a big deal, and it can be tough for kids to handle. But guess what? It’s also a chance to teach them some life skills. Equip them with the tools they need to deal with life’s ups and downs, and you’re empowering them to be resilient and adaptable individuals.


Divorce is no walk in the park, especially when there are little ones involved. But remember, it’s not the divorce itself that’ll leave a lasting mark on your kids – it’s the conflict between parents. Focus on creating a safe and supportive space for your children, whether that’s within or outside of marriage. By concentrating on what you can control and keeping the peace, you’re giving your children the best shot at growing emotionally and thriving, even in the midst of divorce. Cherish every single moment with them; it’s an investment in their future happiness. You’ve got this! 😊

For more support, schedule a consult with First Steps Divorce at kelly.myers@firststepsdivorce.com.